The beginning of the good news about Donald the Messiah

The Russians Visit the Anointed One

1 After Donald was born in Queens in New York, during the time of Hillary, Russians from the east came to Washington 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born President of the Americans? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

3 When Hillary heard this she was disturbed, and all Washington with her.4 When she had called together all the deep state and teachers of the social justice, she asked them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 “In Queens in New York,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

6 “‘But you, Queens, in the land of New York,

   are by no means least among the rulers of New York;

for out of you will come a ruler

   who will shepherd my people America.’”

7 Then Hillary called the Russians secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. 8 She sent them to Queens and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

9 After they had heard Hillary, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, cheetos and McDonalds. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Hillary, they returned to their country by another route.

The Escape to Mexico

13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Fred in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother Mary and escape to Mexico. Stay there until I tell you, for Hillary is going to search for the child to kill him.”

14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Mexico,15 where he stayed until the passing of Hillary. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Out of Mexico I called my wall.”

16 When Hillary realized that she had been outwitted by the Russians, she was furious, and he gave orders to abort all the boys in New York and its vicinity.17 Then what was said through the prophet Shapiro was fulfilled:

18 “A voice is heard in Manhattan,

   weeping and great mourning,

Lady Liberty weeping for her children

   and refusing to be comforted,

   because they are no more.”

How to hide Jesus

img_0414How to hide Jesus

There are people after Jesus.
They have seen the signs.
Quick, let’s hide Him.
Let’s think; carpenter,
fishermen’s friend,
disturber of religious comfort.
Let’s award Him a degree in theology,
a purple cassock
and a position of respect.
They’ll never think of looking here.
Let’s think;
His dialect may betray Him,
His tongue is of the masses.
Let’s teach Him Latin
and seventeenth century English,
they’ll never think of listening in.
Let’s think;
humble,
Man of Sorrows,
nowhere to lay His head.
We’ll build a house for Him,
somewhere away from the poor.
We’ll fill it with brass and silence.
It’s sure to throw them off.
There are people after Jesus.
Quick, let’s hide Him.

– Steve Turner

Rock Music as Original Sin?

Eve's temptation - unknown artist

I have not been able to track down the artist who painted this image of Eve’s temptation, but it is clear that considerable artistic licence has been taken. This picture features Gene Simmon of KISS as the snake and a rock guitar as the apple.

Amusing on one level, but it uncomfortably reminds me of the Satanic Panics of the 80s, which put me on the opposite side of the fence to many evangelicals of the time.

 

Raptor Jesus and the Flying Spaghetti Monster

flying-spaghetti-monster-jesusThis image combines two popular Atheist memes which are aimed at Christians in general and six day creationists in particular: the Flying Spaghetti Monster, their counter to the idea of a Creator God, and Raptor Jesus, an in your face reference to evolution, extinction and aggressive proselytising.

I take such parodying as an expression of anger, pain and distain delivered with rather broad brush strokes.

But here is a question: have you ever observed that Atheist art is so much more emotionally engaging when it is being anti-Christian than when it is being pro-Atheist? Their path is rather dry when it shifts away from protest. I doubt Atheism would get nearly so much media attention if Christians and Muslims around the world behaved more respectfully towards one another … and others … especially scientists.

I doubt that would stop Atheists protesting about Christianity. But if they must protest, let us make sure Atheists are protesting about the right things – the foolishness of the gospel – and not the wrong things – the foolishness of pseudo-science and moral hypocrisy – by actually keeping the main thing, the main thing in our conversations. I would count it a success if I saw Atheists actually mocking the gospel for a change.

Hello Possums

Here is a joke a work collegue shared with me today:

There were five churches in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Uniting Church,
The Anglican Church and
The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and synagogue was overrun with possums.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the possums. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the possums were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In The Baptist Church the possums had taken over the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put the plug in the baptistery, fill it with water and drown the possums in it. But the possums could swim, they escaped and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Uniting Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the possums and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, they were back.

The Anglican Church baptised the possums and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

At the Jewish Synagogue, they took one possum and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven’t seen a possum on the property since.

Fart Jokes in the Holy Bible

We were with child, we writhed in labor,
    but we gave birth to wind.
We have not brought salvation to the earth,
    and the people of the world have not come to life.

Isaiah 26:18

Translation?

We thought we had good news but discovered we were talking out of our arse!

Reflection

Should we be surprised that taking about grace without talking with grace gets up people’s noses? What sort of aroma does it leave others, or for that matter, with God?