Two recent news stories have prompted me to reflect on forgiveness. Russell Brand has been convicted of rape and sexual assault, while Donald Trump, when asked whether he could forgive his political enemies, admitted that he probably could not and would always hate some of them.
These are very different situations, but they highlight two sides of a difficult subject. Brand’s case raises questions about acknowledging the harm we cause others. Trump’s comments remind us how easily resentment towards others can take hold and become consuming.
Forgiveness begins with honesty. It doesn’t mean excusing wrongdoing, minimising the harm or letting someone off the hook. On the contrary, we cannot genuinely forgive without first acknowledging that a wrong has been done. Nor does forgiveness remove the need for justice and accountability.
But forgiveness isn’t always easy, and it isn’t necessarily a once-and-for-all decision. We might sincerely choose to forgive someone and still find ourselves wrestling with anger, resentment and painful memories. Sometimes we have to make that choice again and again.
Anger itself isn’t necessarily sinful. It can be an entirely appropriate response to injustice and cruelty. God himself gets angry at injustice. The question is whether we can acknowledge our anger without allowing it to harden into bitterness or consume us.
Neither does forgiveness necessarily mean reconciliation. Restoring a relationship requires repentance and a willingness to rebuild trust. We cannot make someone else acknowledge their wrongdoing or change their behaviour. Nor should forgiveness require us to abandon appropriate boundaries or expose ourselves to further harm.
Perhaps these two stories invite us to look beyond the behaviour of others and examine our own hearts. Are we willing to acknowledge the harm we cause, take responsibility and seek forgiveness? And when others hurt us, can we resist the temptation to nurture resentment and hatred?
Neither comes easily. Forgiveness can be a long and sometimes painful journey, and sometimes all we can do is ask God to help us take the next step. Not because the hurt doesn’t matter or injustice should go unanswered, but because we don’t want either to define us.
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