Curious Christian

Reflections on culture, nature, and spirituality from a Christian perspective

The Spirituality of Parenting

As the father of two young boys, questions about how to nurture an awareness of the Spirit in younger ones is something that has become more and more important for me over the last two years, as my own boys have grown in consciousness of the world around them.

I have been meaning for some time to recommend a November iPod broadcast on Speaking of Faith entitled The Spirituality of Parenting, as in listening to it I was struck by some of the excellent issues it raised for spiritually inclined parents and the insightful comments about the emergent faith of children. Here’s the synopsis:

“More and more people in our time are disconnected from religious institutions, at least for part of their lives. Others are religious and find themselves creating a family with a spouse from another tradition or no tradition at all. And the experience of parenting tends to raise spiritual questions anew. We sense that there is a spiritual aspect to our children’s natures and wonder how to support and nurture that. The spiritual life, our guest says, begins not in abstractions, but in concrete everyday experiences. And children need our questions as much as our answers.”

I particularly liked how the program fleshed out that last bit, about the importance of concrete everyday experiences and our questions in nurturing faith in children. Taking the advice of the guest, a Jewish Rabbi with a gift for speaking beyond the boundaries of her own tradition, I reflected on listening for God when walking with my eldest son the other evening and out popped all these questions about God. It was wonderful for me as a father to see just how much awareness was already growing in him.

This also feeds into an article I read two months ago (can’t recall where) that noted recent research indicating the spirituality of boys was most impacted by their fathers, not their mothers. Men, this is one nurturing task we cannot delegate to Mums. It’s not “girly stuff”, it’s “bloke stuff”. It’s initiation stuff.

Since I mention Speaking of Faith I would like to take the opportunity to recommend the weekly broadcast full stop. When I first came across it I expected the usual American Christian fundi rant. But I was in for a pleasant surprise. Though there does seem to be some Christian emphasis, it is of the distinctly more thoughtful variety (this week’s is on the new Monastics), and the programming goes way beyond that to explore all sorts of alternative spirituality issues (previous weeks covered Thich Nhat Hanh and Rumi). A wonderfully thought provoking show.

If you liked listening to Rabbi Sandy Sasso you might like to check out some of her books at Amazon. Just follow this link.

http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jouinbet-20&o=1&p=13&l=st1&mode=books&search=Rabbi%20Sandy%20Sasso&fc1=000000&lt1=&lc1=3366FF&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

11 responses to “The Spirituality of Parenting”

  1. Makeesha Avatar

    I love that show, listen to it every week. It’s not a “christian” show at all..but rather an exploration of spirituality in a broader context. The new monastics episode with Shane was really well done I thought. I also liked the Jimmy Carter episode and the one on the Reconciliation project in S. Africa.

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  2. Matt Stone Avatar

    Mmmm, maybe my perception of a subtle Christian emphasis was coloured by my Aussie experience, where non-Christian shows would never invoke the word “faith” so frequently or so prominatly.
    I would be interested in finding more information on the religious background of Christa Tippet.

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  3. Peggy Avatar
    Peggy

    As a mother of three young boys, I know the territory, Matt! While I totally agree with the importance of dads (both in their personal Christian faith and in their words) for sons, I’m just hoping you’re not saying that moms don’t play an important part in the spiritual growth of their sons.
    I believe that both parents need to be constantly aware of the spiritual tone in their own lives, their marriage, and their home — since these are the primary living and learning environment for their children.
    It really must be a both/and scenario, with each parent stepping up to the plate as each opportunity presents itself. And I try not to play into supporting stereotypes of “girly” and “bloky” …I want my sons to see their mother, as well as their father, as a fully-devoted Christ-follower. Those characteristics are not gender-based.
    Did I miss your point…or over-react…did you hit a sensitive spot? Hmmm…

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  4. Matt Stone Avatar

    Maybe a sensitive spot? I donno.
    There aspects of parental nurturing where the mum is naturally better equipped than the dad. Studies have shown that children respond better to softer lighter voices than low gruff voices for instance, putting dads at a distinct biological disadvantage in reassuring kids. I don’t want to get into the old nature vs. nurture debates too much other than to note that there is reasonable evidence now that it is not all nurture, that some of it is nature.
    Well, recent studies have also been revealing that there are “some” areas where the reverse is the case, where the dad is naturally better equipped than the mum. It has been shown that young girls without strong father figures tend to get pregnant earlier; it has also been shown that boys who don’t have a father figure to rough-house with are slower to learn how to curb their own violence, particularly towards women. Well I have also read some studies which show dads have a greater impact on the spirituality of their sons than the mum. This is not to say that mums do not have a significant impact also, it is just to say dads, this is an area of parenting where you really need to pay attention.

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  5. Matt Stone Avatar

    PS. I should add that the same studies showed mums had the most impact on the spirituality of their daughters.

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  6. Peggy Avatar
    Peggy

    Small comfort to a mom of zero daughters 😉
    I was probably over-reacting…sorry about that. I agree that this goes to the area of modeling what it means to be a spiritual man…and, of course, that kind of modeling is best served up by a male 🙂

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  7. sally Avatar

    well being a parent to 5, 2 girls and three boys- all now between 18 and 25 years old, one thing I have discovered is the need for honesty and vulnerability, and openess in our relationships. Tim and I are not spiritual super-parents- we mess up- but one thing we have sought to do with our children is to apologise ( confess) for our failings- and to seek reconciliation- often through prayer…
    … we have prayed together over various issues- usually infoirmally i.e. we were not a family to have set worship times ( just try it with a house hold of 7!!!)…
    We have also been willing to live with questions, both ours and those of our children….
    hmmm I feel a post coming on….

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  8. Peggy Avatar
    Peggy

    Yes, Sally. The willingness to be human and make mistakes and work for reconciation is a fabulous model. We work on that same plan at our house. (By the way, I am the youngest of six, so I know the drill of coordinating big families.)
    Post on, girl!

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  9. Matt Stone Avatar

    Yes, post on!

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  10. sally Avatar

    ok now I have two assignments out of the way I will post later today!
    Sally

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  11. sally Avatar

    post is up!

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