Curious Christian

Reflections on culture, nature, and spirituality from a Christian perspective

Counseling and different models for change

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Matt Stone

2007-05-27

Well, this is the final entry for my reflective journal before I submit it for examination.

In finishing off transactional analysis and Egan stage III on Tuesday I took note of the comment, “The instinctive pull is often the wrong one.” This takes me back to discussions I’ve been having with others online over the past week about the limitations of purely intuition based approaches in local mission. An interesting synchronicity. Maybe what I need to work on developing is more of a reverse intuition; a sense for what feels wrong in a right kind of way.

This transactional analysis approach speaks to me on so many levels cause I can now see the dynamics in so many of my personal relationships. Putting it into practice, not reacting to the transition crosses, is the hard part.

So, now were on to some alternative models for facilitating change: attachment theory and development theory. I haven’t finished reading all the handouts yet but so far am finding them equally fascinating. Attachment theory has some really wonderful things to say about the healing power of relationships, of just providing warmth and contact and companionship. Of course it also has some pretty horrible things to say about the trauma ripping those things apart causes, but the thing that has struck me is how just bonding with others is inherently healing. It causes me to pause and reflect: how deeply do I truly understand my relationships? There’s a magic in them that transcends understanding. It’s like a Mandelbrot set, the more I look, the more I find.

Note: This thread, College Reflections, is to be submitted for assessment as part of my coursework in The Foundations of Christian Counseling at Morling College at the end of Semester 1, 2007. If you would like to speak to me about issues I raise in this thread, but are concerned about privacy, please email me privately instead of leaving a public comment.

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5 responses to “Counseling and different models for change”

Mike Lowe

2007-05-29

Yes, I think there is something godly/divine about right relationships, and as you say, there is a mysterious healing magic which comes into play.
Have you read Martin Buber’s “I and thou”? It is one of those seminal books which blew me away when I read it – though understanding perhaps only a little. One of the things that I drew from it was that a lot of the time when we think we are relating to another in reality we are just relating to a projection from ourselves. This is where a lot of things fall down. Truly relating is a journey into the ‘other’ which leaves all transformed.
It is also the place where we become more truly ourselves. The African concept of Ubuntu (which is related to the Russian Orthodox idea of ‘Sobornost’) puts this well: ‘I am because you are and you are because we are’.

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Peggy

2007-05-30

Matt, I can’t remember whether we’ve talked here about this before…but I understand the importance of attachment theory and development theory to relationships, too. However, my understanding took a quantum leap when I read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” (which I also have in the versions for Singles, Children and Teens) and then “The Love Languages of God.”
IMO, these books are the simplex standard about successful relationship building and the giving and receiving of heartfelt concern and commitment between individuals.
Blessings on your work, brother.

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Matt Stone

2007-05-31

No, haven’t read “I and thou” yet but I know exactly what your talking about in terms of people often only relating to projections of themselves. In fact, New Scientist recently had an article on the survival value of self deception when it comes to mating behaviours – contending that when we fall in love, we are often just falling for our animas, projecting them onto the nearest women that fits them. Loving people for who they really are is a far more riskier prospect, as all genuine transformation is.

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Matt Stone

2007-05-31

Peggy, yes we discussed Chapman’s work in one of my earlier counseling posts.
I get the impression that different models are differ in their usefulness for different contexts. I suspect attachment theory ain’t going to be as useful for people brought up in stable home environments but could be very useful where things have gone very amiss, say, in DOCs cases where children have had to be removed from abusive parents. But it’s when things go amiss that you realise just home important these things are.

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Peggy

2007-05-31

I think you might be surprised at how attachment issues can sneak up on a loving family with catastrophic stressors…the kind that can have the parents “near” but not “engaged.”
This is frequently the case with missionary’s kids and preacher’s kids. It is precisely these kinds of situations where parents assume that their kids know that they are loved…but the connection with the kids is just not very real or personal.
It can also be the case with significant illness or disability…where the parent(s) are unable to interact at a level that the children need, and so there is anxiety in the children concerning the security of the parental love and affection.
I know both of these scenarios intimately… and they regularly fly under the radar, God have mercy….

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