Curious Christian

I have been reflecting on an observation by Tim Challies in his book, The Next Story: Life and Faith after the Digital Explosion. He wrote, “Learning to love the people I don’t like is by far the best way to learn how to love”.

Learning to love the people I don’t like has always felt like one of the ultimate tests of character and compassion. It’s easy to show kindness and patience with people I naturally connect with—the ones whose personalities, values, and quirks resonate with my own. But what about those who irritate me, challenge me, or hold views that clash with mine? As Tim Challies points out, finding a way to love those people may just be the most profound lesson in love there is.

Reflecting on this makes me realize how often my idea of love is conditional. Loving someone I don’t like asks me to see beyond my immediate reactions, preferences, and comfort zones. It requires something deeper than just tolerance or civility. It demands empathy, humility, and a genuine openness to another person’s humanity. When I’m honest with myself, I know there’s a part of me that resists this. It’s simpler to write someone off, to stick to what feels good and familiar. But Challies’ perspective suggests that doing so stunts my own growth. If love is only extended to those who make it easy, how deep or transformative can that love truly be?

Learning to love in this way, as I’ve come to see, isn’t about dismissing my own boundaries or letting go of accountability. It doesn’t mean I have to agree with or even like everyone I encounter. Instead, it invites me to ask: can I value their worth as a person without needing them to fit my idea of who they “should” be? This approach has changed my perspective in subtle but profound ways.

Over time, I’ve noticed that as I practice empathy for those who challenge me, my ability to love others—friends, family, and even myself—grows stronger and richer. Loving those I struggle with teaches me that love is expansive, not restrictive. It stretches beyond the boundaries of shared interests, personalities, or ideologies. And in that stretch, I’m reminded that love isn’t only about who others are; it’s about who I am becoming.